Review #9

SOMETHING BORROWED

 

Released: 2010

Director: Luke Greenfield

Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin & Kate Hudson

Grade: F

 

It was in a blinding rage after first seeing Something Borrowed that the idea for Rom Coms and the Real World was born. I wanted a place to discuss why this movie made me so angry and how it reflects so much of what is wrong with the way women are presented onscreen. In my last review, I mentioned that Valentine’s Day is inoffensively bad; I only wish I could say the same thing about Something Borrowed.

Some forms of media are intentionally offensive. American Pie markets itself on being crude, and South Park actively attempts to insult as many groups of people as possible. A film like Something Borrowed commits a much greater crime: It’s offensiveness is hidden behind the sheen of a rom com. It’s been packaged into something that resembles a heartwarming comedy, completely masking the terrible message that drives the film. I’m not saying all films need to deliver a moral message or present characters that are perfect; flawed characters make for compelling storytelling. But the audience should be able to learn something from the flaws and mistakes of the characters they are watching. Something Borrowed presents its deeply flawed characters as successful heroes. Romantic comedies are essentially wish fulfillment for women, and this film sets perhaps the worst example I can imagine for young women to emulate

The film opens on the 30th birthday of our heroine, Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin). She shows up unescorted to the surprise party she already knows about, thus instantly setting up the dynamic between Rachel and her best friend Darcy (Kate Hudson). Darcy is the self-absorbed party girl who uses Rachel’s birthday as a platform to talk about her upcoming nuptials to finance Dex (Colin Egglesfield). Darcy’s not mean spirited, she’s just self-centered. The only one who seems to realize this is Ethan, Rachel’s best friend, played by the always-endearing John Krasinski.

After a late night confession of a law school crush, Rachel and Dex tumble into bed together only to wake up blurry-eyed and guilt-ridden the next morning. For a movie that introduces it's central conflict in the first ten minutes, Something Borrowed manages to be incredibly boring for most of its run time. The filmmakers decided it was a good idea to stretch the film across an entire summer, so instead of a tension-filled-romantic-romp, we get a drawn-out saga about successful people moping around.

Rachel is a common rom-com-trope: the hardworking girl who puts everyone else’s happiness before her own (see also: Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses). Even though she liked Dex in law school, Rachel immediately backed down when she realized Darcy was also interested. Six years later, the unresolved connection between Dex and Rachel comes bubbling back to the surface. It’s not a terrible premise for a movie. There might be something worth exploring in Rachel’s assumptions that she’s not good enough for Dex. Or in the way an off-handed “we’re just friends” can nip a relationship in the bud before it even has a chance to start. Any of this potential is wasted, however, with lazily handled flashbacks and melodramatic music that screams out “this moment is important,” all of which robs the film of any emotional reality.

The characters continually pack-off and head to the Hamptons for seemingly no other reason than the director wanted to spend time there. The film starts to feel more like a Gap-ad than a movie during the extended scenes of people goofing around on the beach and lazing in their expensive beach house. There are some awkward exchanges between Dex and Rachel, some more moping, and the introduction of two embarrassingly humorless characters: a crazy girl obsessed with John Krasinski (Ashley Williams) and a stoner-dude who just wants to get laid (Steve Howey).

This movie focuses on people who don’t know how to grow up. Rachel and Darcy are obsessed with the colleges they did and did not get into. Dex and Rachel hold onto a flirtation that barely got off the ground six years ago. Rachel is remarkably passive, letting Dex’s whims dictate their on-again, off-again affair. The only character who seems capable of leading an adult life is Ethan, the film’s most well rounded character. I don’t know if the credit belongs to John Krasinski, but his friendship with Rachel is pretty much the only redeeming factor in the movie. He defends Rachel, tries to get her to stand up for herself, and has a good sense of humor to boot. Rachel accuses him of being an asshole and he responds, “Yeah, maybe I am. But I'm the only asshole here who gives a shit about you.” It’s one of the only lines in the whole movie that actually resonates.

In a better movie, one about growing up and realizing you deserve better, Rachel would have recognized that Dex was treating her like shit and found happiness with a man who truly cared about her. Instead, Ethan admits that he loves Rachel (John Krasinski certainly knows how to deliver a love confession) and she turns him down. (At this point I wrote a giant "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?" across my notes.) Why even include the love confession if it leads to nothing? Am I supposed to feel proud that Rachel rejected a super cute, super funny, super caring guy for a bland douchebag?

The performances are a mixed bag. Ginnifer Goodwin, who I normally like, is given so little to work with that I can’t really fault her for her lackluster performance. Colin Egglesfield is so boring he’s basically a nonentity in this film. Other than a stale-crush, there’s nothing that Dex and Rachel have in common and there’s little chemistry to make me invest in their relationship. I did rather like Kate Hudson’s over-the-top portrayal of Darcy. She’s performative, but girls like Darcy do tend to be performative, self-consciously drawing attention to themselves at every moment.

Lest we start to like Darcy too much, however, the film makes sure to clearly define her as a bad person. She’s been cheating on Dex so it’s okay that she loses him in the end. Even though both Dex and Darcy were unfaithful, the full blame for the end of the relationship falls on Darcy’s shoulders. Dex and Rachel talk about feeling guilty, but it doesn’t stop them from essentially dating each other behind Darcy’s back and making out on Rachel’s rooftop all while Dex remains engaged. Since Darcy is immature and self-centered, and Rachel is just such a good person and feels so bad, we’re supposed to side with Rachel. 

Again, it all comes down to that idea of growing up. Dex refuses to breakup with Darcy because his parents don’t want him to (we get a bit of nonsense about his mom being depressed that doesn’t really lead anywhere).  At 30 years old, I would hope Dex would be able to make his own romantic choices without parental approval. Instead, he’s frozen by indecision, essentially dating two women at once and only on his terms. Rachel is entirely complacent, making a few half-hearted attempts to end things with Dex, yet always coming back to him. In the end Dex dumps Darcy and picks Rachel. Rachel gets the man of her dreams, Darcy gets to have the stoner-dude’s baby, and the two women essentially stop speaking to each other once the truth comes out.

A better movie would realize that the real betrayal isn’t between Dex and Darcy, it’s between Darcy and Rachel, two girls who have been best friends since childhood. Yet it’s impossible to feel upset about their breakup because there are only a handful of scenes in which Rachel and Darcy actually seem to enjoy each other’s company (including a surprisingly charming dance routine to Salt n’ Peppers "Push It"). If Darcy is such an awful friend, why does Rachel continue to put up with her? What drew Darcy and Rachel together in the first place? What are the nuances of their friendship? None of this is really explored. Instead we’re treated to a Rachel/Darcy dirty-dance-off. What an insightful look into the reality of female friendships. Assuming their breakup lasts (and the film suggests it does) Rachel will miss the birth of Darcy’s child and the two will presumably be strangers for the rest of their lives. All of this over a selfish, adulterous man whose only defining characteristic is that he’s handsome. And we’re supposed to leave the theater with a romantic flutter in our hearts.

To add insult to injury, in the last scene of the movie Rachel is seen picking up Dex’s dry cleaning. His dry cleaning. I’m surprised they didn’t show her wearing pearls and baking a cake while waiting for his return from work. I have to wonder if this film was intentionally trying to set back feminism fifty years, or if it stumbled into that message accidentally. To be honest, I’m not sure which explanation is worse.

Reality factor: I’d like to imagine that this film is entirely fictional, but sadly it’s reinforcing the very real idea that it’s worth giving up the things you love to be with an attractive guy. [3 out of 5]

Eye-candy factor: John Krasinski is charming and adorable, but Colin Egglesfield’s smarm cancels it out. [2 out of 5]

Aww factor: This film is more gag-inducing than aww-inducing. [1 out of 5]