Review

THE TWLIGHT SAGA
 BREAKING DAWN: PART TWO

Released: 2012
Director: Bill Condon
Starring: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson

Grade: C++

I think something is wrong with me. I went to see Twilight Breaking Dawn: Part Two (on opening day no less) intending to mock and ridicule it for your enjoyment. After all, I had to make a drinking game just to survive the last one. As the previews started, I fantasized about the hilarious quips and biting satire I could write about this final film in the four part Twilight saga. And then something strange happened; I found myself actually enjoying the movie. Was I losing my mind or had someone actually produced a halfway decent film in the Twilight saga?

Even if you haven’t been keeping up with the series, you probably know about the human/vampire love affair at it’s heart. (This parody trailer will help you catch up on the rest of the plot). In many ways this movies feels distinctive from the rest of the series because Bella (Kristen Stewart) finally starts to resemble an actual character- with a personality and everything! And all it took was a makeover, er, a vampire-over. Breaking Dawn: Part One ended with Bella giving birth and being turned into a vampire. Which in the Twilight world means waking up with perfect makeup, a rockin’ bod and a form fitting blue dress. Now that Bella is pretty, she’s actually able to form complete sentences and express opinions. What a difference a makeover makes!

As a vampire, Bella’s confident, funny, and outspoken. A far cry from the brooding, stuttering, constipated girl of the first three movies. Bella wakes up perfectly coiffed, slightly sassy and ready for a little hunting. At some point she mentions something about that baby she WENT CRAZY trying to save in Breaking Dawn: Part One, but overall she seems way more interested in Edward (Robert Pattinson) than in her ridiculously named offspring, Renesmee. Thankfully baby-obsessed Rosalee is there to steal, I mean watch, the baby. (When Bella asks where the baby sleeps Rosalee replies, “In my arms.” Not at all creepy….) Edward and Bella hunt and then get it on vampire style, fulfilling the soft-core-porn dreams of Twilight’s tween audience. 

There are a few missteps in the first half of the film. Whoever decided a CGI baby would be a good idea has hopefully been fired by now, because that sucker was terrifying. No baby should have eyes that big. I also missed Bella’s awesome human friends who provided some surprisingly solid material in the first few films. I suppose Anna Kendrick finally realized she was way too famous to be a supporting character in a vampire love story. The Jacob-imprinting-on-Renesmee thing remains remarkably creepy. Stephanie Meyer did a decent job of explaining it on paper, but let’s face it, a grown man being in love with a baby is never going to work onscreen. At least the film does what it can to acknowledge the oddity and even wring a few laughs from the situation.

What’s most impressive about this entry in the Twilight series is its humor. Don’t get me wrong, all of the Twilight films have been hilarious, but I’ve usually been laughing at the movies, not with them. This film gives us some intentional humor that actually lands. Bella’s dad, Charlie (Billy Burke), is one of the best things about the series and he has a great scene with Jacob (Taylor Lautner) that manages to make fun of Lautner’s much lauded physique while also advancing the plot. I feel like I’ve died and gone to vampire heaven. 

Speaking of plot, this film actually has one, which is a huge improvement from the past three films. The Volturi (aka the vampire mafia) aren’t too happy with Reneesmee because they assume she’s an “Immortal Child,” a human toddler turned into a vampire. Immortal Children used to be all the rage in the middle ages because they were totes adorbs, but they also had a nasty habit of killing entire villages. And because vampires don’t age, there was no hope of teaching them better behavior. Immortal Children were outlawed and the Volturi come a-callin’ to kill Renesmee & Co. and protect vampire secrecy.

The Cullens decide to gather some witnesses to attest to how awesome/not evil Renesmee is. The second act of the film is essentially an extended assembling-the-team sequence. The Cullens have vampire friends from all over the global which means we’re treated to a veritable buffet of ethnic stereotypes. The Amazon vampires show up in “tribal” clothes which may or may not have been purchased at a post-Halloween Party City sale. The Irish vampires have red hair and love rebellion. The Russian vampires are  blonde, gay and reminiscent of SNL’s Stefan. And those poor hipster nomads don’t get a single line. There are too many characters to keep them all straight and I can only assume that one of the two scruffy, brooding vampire men inexplicably leaves because someone realized they had accidentally double-cast the role.

While they may be underdeveloped, the plethora of characters at least add a jolt of energy to the Cullen clan. Apparently vampires have superpowers and we get to learn about those as the good guys prep for their epic battle. The Volturi (lead by a scenery-chewing Michael Sheen) arrive in their hammy bad guy glory. They’re all lusciously designed capes, menacing stares and androgynous angst- just what you’d expect undead Italian villains to be. There’s a good guy vs. bad guy standoff and I give major props to the filmmakers for finding a clever way to introduce some action to a remarkably anti-climatic novel. It’s a pretty brilliant move that took my audience completely by surprise.

The cinematography occasionally has a nice sense of style and the visual landscape of the movie is far superior to the script. Renesmee’s super power is to project some sort of visual story to anyone she touches. The film refuses to ever depict these visions however, a move that feels like a cop-out from a director wary of making things too abstract. As a rule, the CGI in this film is awful (though nothing is as bad as that baby). I imagine a teenager with iMovie and some time on his hands could produce better results. Bella’s constant narration is also a bit tiresome, but this movie at least feels less reliant upon it than the past few.

As in the previous films, the romance feels a little flat, but Bella’s personality make-over seems to do the central relationship a lot of good. Edward even admits he has a bad habit of underestimating her; a remarkable feat for a relationship in which communication seemed to be a nonexistent priority. Overall the film is fun, funny and action-packed, three words I never thought I’d use in relation to Twilight.

So readers I leave this in your hands. Have I lost my mind or has the Twilight saga ended on a high note? Let me know in the comments section below! 

Reality factor: I would hate to be a vampire, eating and sleeping are probably my two favorite things in life. [0 out of 5]

Eye-candy factor: For all of his weaknesses as an actor, Taylor Lautner does have a smoking body. Plus Robert Pattinson is allowed to smile in this film. Much better than all of that brooding. [5 out of 5]

Aww factor: The sweetest (and strangest) part of the movie was when they gave a shout-out in the credits to Rachelle Lefevre, the actress who was replaced between movies one and two. Way to support your own, Twilight. [2 out of 5]